I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
no you cant smoke seaweed
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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