Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
