You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
