I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
