I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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