Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
