Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
