After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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