So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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