I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i've created a new STD.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
