Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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