I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
