dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
