I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
