she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
