Define "chronic" masturbator.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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