Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
