Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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