the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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