Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
