Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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