a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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