If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
