At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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