obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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