Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
