thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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