I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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