My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
