why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
