@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
