1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
