I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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