This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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