Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
