please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Screwed.edu
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
