I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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