Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
