Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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