Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
