Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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