am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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