I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
