can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
