I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
