His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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