I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
