What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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