his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
