omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
