what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
